Sad But True

You Know You're at a Concert in Williamsburg...

When people are taking photos (at night, outside, where ISO 1600 film is just barely cutting it) with Polaroid cameras.

Dear Beverage Purveyors,

Is it impossible to just order a medium coffee, or a small chai, or a large shake anymore? I don't want a "tall" Starbucks frappuccino or a "power" Jamba Juice smoothie, damnit. What does that mean, anyway, 'tall'?! And why would you choose to categorize liquid by height, anyway? What if I feel like 'Brazilian model' or 'legal midget'? I want corporations to use normal English, and I refuse to conform to your ridiculous Newspeak naming conventions. So there.

Grr,
The One Train

Dear Customer,

You know, I may not look Vietnamese, but even so -- correcting your waitress's pronounciation when she works in a Vietnamese restaurant and you are a skinny white boy whose name (according to your credit card) is very, very Polish is bad form, no?

Pho Is Not Pronounced "Faux,"
Waitress

Patent Bureau, Here I Come

I swear, I'm going to invent a robotic fly swatter that hones in on people who throw their lit cigarette butts in the street and smacks them in the face.

Dear Whoever Is Signing On To My Gmail Account,

Password's been changed, you @$%&*#!.

Love,
Me

Remember How Much I Hate Dog Clothing?

Well, it gets worse.