I am, generally speaking, a big fan of so-called "modern art." Occasionally, however, a trip to the MoMA or -- in this case -- studying for my art history exam reminds me just how much I detest some of the exercises in idiocy that have been produced in the past century.

Take Marcel Duchamp, for instance. On the left we have
Nude Descending a Staircase, perhaps one of my favorite paintings ever. On the right? A urinal. Flipped upside down, signed, and entitled
Fountain. Now, I have no doubt that this is an intellectually stimulating piece, that it has sparked intense discussion about the nature of creation and authorship, blah blah whatever, but
it is not art.

Here we have Kazimir Malevich. On the left is
Suprematism, a quaint little study of color and form. On the right?
Black. Really, it's almost as astonishing as
Red, but not quite as insightful as
White on White. Okay! We get it! The first time it's brilliant and ingenious and new -- the 28764th time, it's just annoying.

And the list goes on: Mark Rothko's fields of drab color, Dan Flavin's fluorescent lightbulbs (I mean, really), Gene Davis' arbitrary striping. Can someone revive the Renaissance, or at the very least bring back the impressionists? Please?